Victorian Plumbing’s Booty Camp: The Ultimate Workout to Prepare for the Glasto Portaloos

Most festival-goers are well-versed when it comes to mentally preparing for Glastonbury's infamous toilets, but when it comes to physical readiness… well, that's a different story.

Let's be honest, nobody wants to touch the seat of a festival loo (and if that doesn't bother you, chances are you've had one too many beers). Unfortunately, squatting over that long drop is an art which requires strength and stability.

But never fear - we've enlisted the support of a qualified personal trainer, Liberty Baxter-Cox, to help create the ultimate Glasto booty camp.

This workout will ensure that your glutes are ready to squat ‘till you drop at any festival portaloo that comes your way this summer. And the best thing about it? It can all be done from home, and won't cost you a penny.

What's the plan?

The six-week workout to get your glutes Glasto-ready should begin on the 14th of May and last until the day before you head off to the festival.

The following five beginner-friendly exercises should be completed every day to help build your super-stance.

1. Sofa squat: stand in front of the sofa, sit down completely (very briefly), and stand up.
2. Tap squat: squat down to tap your bottom on the sofa, focusing on your legs and glutes, then stand back up.
3. Pulse squat: get into a squat position and stay low, bouncing a few inches. 
4. Jump squat: start in a squat position, jump up, and land back in a squat position.
5. Hold squat: hold your squatting position. 

Liberty said, "On day one, we're starting with five reps of each of the five exercises, meaning we do it five times before moving on to the next exercise.”

“For the hold squat, start at five seconds. As each day goes by, we will add an extra five reps or five seconds per exercise, meaning that by Glasto-eve, we'll be at a solid 210 reps and a 210-second hold." 

Liberty assures us that if we keep this up, we can forget burning thighs, back pain and holding onto cubicle walls for support - festival toileting will be a breeze.

Stay motivated

Glasto is going to come around in no time, so to keep you motivated, we’ve created a range of inspirational posters to stick around your home.

This includes posters containing lyrics by Glastonbury headliner, Dua Lipa (one squat is all it takes) as well as a handy chart to tick off each day of the workout.

It's important to remind yourself of why you’re building up those leg muscles - so we designed a toilet toll to remind you that the comfort of your own toilet will be long gone come the end of June.

Further festival fitness

Glastonbury is no easy feat, and not just because of the toilets. You've got a two-hour, two-mile trek from drop-off to campsite, tents to assemble, and plenty of dancing to do. All of that can be pretty physically taxing, but with Liberty's help, we'll have no qualms about it.

"To prepare for the walk, I suggest increasing your stamina beforehand. Roughly pack your bag a few weeks before Glastonbury to get an idea of the weight. Then get out on plenty of walks or hikes with it to ensure you're fighting fit and raring to camp," Liberty recommended.

She also suggested adding bags to our booty camp training once we begin to improve:

"You're going to be dancing & walking a lot during your festival experience, so working on your fitness levels will be very beneficial. Start with setting yourself a time to walk with your bag on your back, for example ten minutes and keep building this by ten minutes a week. By the end of the sixth week, you'll be at an hour and breezing through."